Kissing Suzy Kolber Outdoes The Onion

After Rejecting Other Deals, Bengals Trade Chad Johnson to Tyler Perry

CINCINNATI — A day after declining the Washington Redskins’ offer of potentially two first-round picks for wide receiver Chad Johnson, the Cincinnati Bengals shipped the restive wideout to omnipresent comedian Tyler Perry.

“Chad will fit in well with our stereotype-laden productions filled with embarrassingly silly, shiftless blacks,” Perry said from the set of his latest movie, “Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to The Church Social,” which will be released exactly a week after his current project “Tyler Perry’s Meet The Browns” leaves theatres.

“I got a vision for Chad. This next movie has a need for a goofy black mail carrier who occasionally hits the pipe. Knowing him, it won’t be hard to work in a exuberant dance number everytime he cracks a joke.”

Well played, Ape, well played, but I think the Bengals could’ve gotten more.